1. When your PC is getting fucked up, blame someone else’s wallpaper.
2. Never allow your people to have cigarette, lunch, and even bio breaks.
3. When your PC is getting fucked up again, adamantly assume that someone is sabotaging you. You MUST tell the General Manager and the CEO about it.
4. If you don’t, or most probably CAN’T understand the new software, DON’T ASK anyone for help. You are the only “perfect” employee.
5. Be stupid. You’ve been doing this job longer than anyone else so it’s okay if you don’t know the use of alt+f+u+c+k+y+o+u and what in the world the purpose of .bobo file is.
6. Make a scene. Start shouting at the people from the other department. Maybe one of them is the reason for Number 3.
7. Blame the client’s software for ALL the ERRORS that YOU carelessly created. If your people MIRACULOUSLY solved it, DON’T THANK THEM. Never. Create more errors if you want.
8. If the client said that you should deliver a six-hour work in two fuckin’ minutes, SAY YES. Remember, you’ve been doing this job longer than the rest. You must know how EVERYTHING WORKS.
9. If the client replies to your e-mail message/complain saying that you should just IGNORE a TRIVIAL ERROR that seems to make you crazy, BE PROUD. Think that you are the only one bothered by said error. You are so special that you CANNOT solve it. Be proud that you are a motherfuckin’ moron.
10. Be insecure. If you feel that someone is better than you, sarcastically call him sir / ma’am and tell it to your close friends.
Remember, YOU are STUPID and you must know that you are only there in that fuckin’ position because the management had no choice. You should thank that someone for leaving the company two years ago.