… has been consuming me lately. I stretch my hours in the office to outrun the numbers that I chase and I’m in an intemperate rush to be better in my job. Man, it’s a very demanding position.

Scrutinizing MIDI files is a strenuous work after all. The influx of difficult files in my workload folder is not obviable and I’m still not good enough to deal with them in the ideal time allowance. I come home late and dog-tired; forcing to squeeze family time, band time, me time, and other activities in a span of few hours. I often don’t sleep enough and sometimes, I can’t even snooze even though I’m already enervated (and/or drunk).

Going to work is now autopilot. I wake up every morning without even giving an effort to think of what to do or plan my day ahead (though I always have an hour to practice some piano chops). Imagine, I will just realize that I am in a jeepney going to Buendia Avenue, then I will suddenly find myself in an elevator pressing the right button (floor number) without even looking. If I will continue to allow this, my life will become a big bad rut.

But I’m not complaining.

Optimistically, I look at it as a way of growing and learning. I see my situation as a stormy desert with an oasis waiting 317 meters away. Or a dark tunnel with a ray of light at the end of it. Or a long and winding road leads to your door. I know one day, I will be over this present wonted grind and work will be duck soup waiting to be slurped through the nose.

I’ve been in this industry for almost a decade. I’m very familiar with the work per se but I am still a tenderfoot (though an old one) to the new job title. There’s a lot of instances that my bungles daunt me like crazy. They even haunt me when I am commuting and when I am having cigarette breaks alone. Sometimes I even lose my gumption when I fuck up big time, especially on careless mistakes.

Luckily, I have good friends/coworkers to impart assistance when I can’t figure out what to do anymore. I also have adept leaders to guide me and teach me stuff. I owe them a lot. I will always stand on their shoulders and aim to see farther.

Work maybe an bitch (for now) but I will not just sit still and let it suppress me. I have pride and rigid professionalism. I’m not the “I fuckin’ quit” nor the “I’m gonna take this for granted” nor the “I’m gonna rebel to the management” type. I do what I can to give what is asked from me. I’ll hit my targets without treading on those who have decent work ethics.

Stress? Yeah, I collect a lot of it everyday. It’s a fact. But by the end of every long tedious week, I’m still glad that I am a part of the company (‘s pay roll). I am pleased as punch that I am earning money through this recondite job that most commoners might not understand. I am honestly grateful.

Slowly and surely, I will eventually improve and become worthier. Just you wait.



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